Thursday, October 4, 2012

NFL Picks Week Five: Wait They're Still Playing Baseball?

You'll have to excuse me if I didn't realize they were still playing baseball. See, I've been following a team that hasn't been playing meaningful baseball for months, so I pretty much assumed the games had all stopped. Also, I was a bit busy paying attention to the championship of a sport that was totally way more exciting.

Whoops.

Far be it from me to not realize that Major League Baseball wasn't done yet, and that we had a triple crown winner to boot. So I guess given all of that, it's time for me to take a long, hard, nuanced look at the teams vying for the 2012 World Series title and tell you just who, exactly, is going to win it all. This, unfortunately, is complicated by two very big problems. The first one is that I haven't really been paying a whole lot of attention to baseball over the second half of the season since my team would almost certainly have been relegated to the minors if American baseball had that kind of a system. The second issue is that MLB's new two-team Wild Card system with its bizarre one-year-only lower seed opening at home in the Division Series thing is confusing me so much that I don't really know who's going to have an advantage depending on whom they actually play.

Seriously, it makes no sense. But I will tell all of you this, which is certainly an uplifting situation. I did watch most of yesterday's Rangers-A's game in which Oakland won the AL West after leading the division by itself for a grand total of zero days this season. And goddamn, those yellow jerseys they've got are sweet, aren't they? I mean look at them. I'd buy one if I wasn't so attached to my minor league baseball team.

So really, what this all means is that most of what you're about to read is based mostly on hunches and very little on actually educated knowledge. As a result, you should probably bet your entire life savings on it because what you're about to read is so-so right, it'll totally make back all the money you lost by leveraging your future on my not-entirely-correct preseason picks -- though I totally got three of the division winners and six of the 10 playoff teams right.

Be impressed people.

Wild Card Playoff (note: predicting a single baseball game is like believing trickle-down economics)

(5) St. Louis over (4) Atlanta
(4) Texas over (5) Baltimore

ALDS
(4) Texas over (1) NY Yankees
(2) Oakland over (3) Detroit

NLDS
(1) Washington over (5) St. Louis
(3) San Francisco over (2) Cincinnati

ALCS
(4) Texas over (2) Oakland

NLCS
(3) San Francisco over (1) Washington

2012 World Series
(4) Texas over (3) San Francisco

I know it seems silly because they blew a five-game lead in the AL West with nine games left to play... but come on, these guys are due, right? They're too good not to win one at some point with this bunch. Or I'm completely wrong, but that probably isn't the case. Either way, I have a hard time believing it'll be as exciting as the Grand Final was. I mean, seriously, check out this championship-sealing kick by Nick Malceski.



Speaking of being wrong, I think it's time for my weekly NFL picks. Here goes another disaster.

Last week: 10-5-0
Season: 32-28-3

Arizona (-2) over ST. LOUIS
NY GIANTS (-8) over Cleveland
CINCINNATI (-3) over Miami
Green Bay (-7) over INDIANAPOLIS
Baltimore (-6) over KANSAS CITY
PITTSBURGH (-3) over Philadelphia
Atlanta (-3) over WASHINGTON
CAROLINA (-3) over Seattle
Chicago (-5) over JACKSONVILLE
Tennessee (+6) over MINNESOTA
Denver (+7) over NEW ENGLAND
SAN FRANCISCO (-10) over Buffalo
NEW ORLEANS (-4) over San Diego
NY JETS (+9) over Houston

Enjoy the games everyone.

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